Could It Be Me? Exploring Late Diagnosis and Parenting on the Spectrum

If you’ve ever typed “Why is parenting so hard for me?” or “Why do I relate to my child’s diagnosis?”—you’re not alone. Many parents only begin to ask whether they might be neurodivergent after supporting a child through diagnosis.

It’s a moment of quiet realization: “Could I be on the spectrum too?”

Neurodivergence Often Runs in Families

Science backs this up. Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) has a heritability rate of up to 80%. ADHD is similarly high, with estimates between 74–80%. These numbers tell us that neurodivergent traits often run through families, sometimes showing up in quiet, undiagnosed ways—until the next generation brings them into focus.

And this is more common than most people think.

• 1 in 36 children is diagnosed with ASD

• Adult diagnoses are rising rapidly, especially among parents of newly diagnosed children

• ADHD in adults—especially women—is increasingly recognized after years of masking and misdiagnosis

  
  

Parenting on the Spectrum: The Hidden Challenges

Being neurodivergent doesn’t make you a bad parent—far from it. In fact, many parents on the spectrum are deeply intuitive, creative, and empathetic. But it can make parenting harder.

• If emotional regulation is a skill you’re still learning, it’s difficult to model it consistently.

• If routines, executive functioning, or sensory overload are part of your daily struggle, your home may feel more chaotic than calm.

• And when your child’s meltdown mirrors your own inner turmoil, it can feel like you're parenting with no emotional buffer.

This isn’t a failure. It’s a mismatch of resources to responsibilities—especially when no one ever taught you the tools you’re now expected to pass down.

Why Self-Reflection Matters

Before we can support our children with clarity and calm, we have to get honest with ourselves. Adult introspection—especially for parents who were never diagnosed as kids—is a powerful act of love.

You might ask:

• Why does noise or mess make me feel instantly overwhelmed?

• Why do I feel shut down or flooded when things get chaotic?

• Why do I struggle to stay regulated during my child’s outbursts?

These are valid questions. And for many parents, they’re a starting point—not just for better parenting, but for healing their own inner child.

Teaching What We’re Still Learning

Here’s the hard truth: teaching emotional regulation while learning it yourself is incredibly difficult. And yet, that’s what many neurodivergent parents do every single day.

You’re not behind. You’re just finally understanding yourself—and doing so while navigating toddler tantrums, sensory demands, sleep regressions, and school meetings.

That’s not weakness. That’s resilience.

And as more adults begin to ask, “Could it be me?”—there’s a quiet revolution happening. One of self-discovery. One that doesn’t come with a label, but starts with a single, honest question.

Because the best way to support our children is often to meet ourselves—truly—for the first time.

The emotional strain and sensory overload many neurodivergent parents face while managing daily life and parenting challenges.

Sources

• Sandin, S., Lichtenstein, P., Kuja-Halkola, R., Larsson, H., Hultman, C. M., & Reichenberg, A. (2019). The heritability of autism spectrum disorder. JAMA Psychiatry.

• Faraone, S. V., Larsson, H. (2019). Genetics of ADHD. Molecular Psychiatry.

• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2023). Autism prevalence data.

• Russell, G., Steer, C., & Golding, J. (2022). Trends in adult autism diagnosis. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

• Quinn, P. O., & Madhoo, M. (2014). A review of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in women and girls. The Primary Care Companion for CNS Disorders.